A Beautiful New Journal

In March of 2009 I began a beautiful new journal - a lime green whimsically floral one. This journal was a place for new beginnings, following on the heels as it did of various difficult trials in my life. Those trials at that time included: A severe long term family crisis, my hormonally induced depression, my oldest daughter's two years of crashed health, and my third daughter's week in the hospital.

I was ready to begin a new chapter. Here is what I wrote on the first page:

A beautiful new journal...a continued journey with my Lord through the hills and valleys and brambly paths of life. Brambles can be scritchy-scratchy-grabby, and they can cut you and make you bleed. They can catch and snag at your soul, ensnaring you in an off-the-beaten-path hazard.

But brambles can also smell rich with summer berries, be intertwined with lovely pale white morning glories, and full of bird-song. Comforting joy even in the snags.

I have walked with the Lord for 36 years now, and I have been on many various types of passageways and cobbled trails - and this I know:

God is faithful and good and Sovereign and in control and purposeful in all things. I have been tried in several life-furnaces, and though I may have come out the other side of them in various states of success spiritually - HE shines forth in glorious radiance, perfect holiness, in goodness and mercy.

I trust Him; I believe in Him. Even here in this new place and after this new traumatic testing. I am a work undone and unfinished; He is a faithful Refiner and Finisher, to build me up and not tear me down.

Purposeful trials and tribulations and deep waters.... Purposeful. Known. Planned. Orchestrated. Designed. Directed. Not to undo me or deconstruct me or de-edify me or tear me down, but to build me up. To establish me in the faith. To grow deep and broad and life-depending roots. To grow me into a steadfast woman who endures under and bears up under her trials. To eternally bless me in heaven.

So be it.