Biblical Self Talk

Are you in control of yourself? Or are you driven along by feelings, emotions, fears, worries and concerns? It is actually an indulgence to allow yourself to sit down at the table of your own private pity party…looking only to the doldrums and to your own discouraging circumstances.

There are times in our lives when we would do well not to listen to the messages we are telling ourselves. In times of depression or fear or worry we can have lies roiling and boiling around in our heads. Or maybe we have temperament tendencies that lead us into negativity, pessimism, doubt, despair, and over the years have built quite a repertoire of broken record messages that we fall into and allow to lead us around by the nose.

I want to share an amazing truth that has significantly made a difference in my life and walk with the Lord, and I learned it from the book 'Spiritual Depression' by Martin Lloyd Jones.

The truth is this: Learn to take yourself in hand. Don’t be content to lie there and commiserate with yourself, but do something about it, like the Psalmist in Psalm 42:

“Why are you downcast, Oh my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
For I will yet praise Him,
Who is the health of my countenance
And my God.” Vs 5,11

He talks to himself. He turns to himself and says, ‘Self - why are you downcast? Why are you so disquieted?’ We must talk to ourselves instead of allowing ‘ourselves’ to talk to us! Much of our unhappiness in life is due to the fact that we listen to ourselves instead of talking to ourselves.

This man’s soul has been depressing him, crushing him. Self will always drag you down if it is in control; don’t placidly listen. So the Psalm writer stands up and says: ‘Self, listen for a moment, I will speak to you.’

Lloyd-Jones says that the main art of spiritual living is to know how to handle yourself. You have to take yourself in hand, you have to address yourself, preach to yourself, exhort yourself, upbraid yourself and say, ‘Hope in God!’ - instead of huddling down in a puddle of misery.

Instead lift your eyes and your face to the face of Christ and feast on Him by speaking truth TO yourself. Remind yourself of what you know to be true:

He is the sure anchor of my soul.
Jesus loves me.
He works all things for good - bar none.
All His ways are lovingkindness and truth.
I have a secure future hope.
His Word is true no matter how I feel.
In my weakness He is strong.
He purchased and sealed me in salvation.
I am a precious child of God.
He is the Way the Truth the Life.
He is the anchor for my soul in the storms of life.
He is able.

Turning 50

I'm back! The last weeks have been filled with fun and meaningful events to celebrate. I've missed the time to write and hope to blog my little heart out in the coming weeks.

I turned 50 - and boy did we celebrate! I have to say that becoming 50 turned out to be a blast beyond belief!! From a surprise breakfast out with a special girlfriend, to a hot-pink manicure, to a surprise lunch with my parents, to shopping at the mall with mall bucks, to a huge surprise party with many girlfriends at a sweet cafe. Our table overlooked a pond surrounded by weeping willows - absolutely gorgeous. Sigh. I have never felt so loved and cared for and so spoiled. Their gifts were way over-the-top abundant with many red dishes and bowls and pitchers and such for my kitchen. They all know how much I love color!!

The evening was wrapped up at my home with my special family. The girls decorated the table with my new birthday dishes, pink balloons, and pink, peach, and yellow tulips. They made homemade cauliflower soup, homemade garlic-rosemary bread, salad, and to top it off, a world-class Russian creme with raspberries. Num. Food centers large in any family event in our home! Did you notice I ate my way through the whole day? ;O] And I opened my traditional family gifts - perfume and candles. Ahhhh. Supplies replenished.

Then my oldest daughter graduated from nursing school. Wow! What fun celebrations!! There was the award breakfast, the pinning ceremony, and finally the graduation itself. She was the one down front with the huge grin on her face! We were the crowd at the very back hooting and hollering and waving with all arms and blowing kisses. All graduation weekend I felt overwhelmed with gratefulness to the Lord for His faithful mercy and grace as He carried her through four years of the most trying and painful trials of her life. Most of that time she struggled with seriously debilitating health issues that made us wonder if she'd even be able to make it. God is so good - and He sure has been good to her. Because of Him she is now a graduated nursing student! We know exactly Who to thank! Next comes her nursing board exam - one week away.

To continue the graduation theme, we celebrated with an open house this weekend. The Lord gave sunshine and blooming flowers. It was a fun time with very special family and friends. Thank you all!

Oh, and one weekend in the midst of all this hoopla, several of us in the family headed to the coast where my daughter shot a wedding. Since I grew up in this town and still have family and friends there, I piggybacked along. I had a blast with a wonderfully special girlfriend - we've been friends since the 8th grade. (You do the math.) Our birthdays are only one day apart and we found out early in our friendship that we had been born in the same hospital as consecutive babies. Then didn't meet for 13 years. AND, I actually reconnected with another friend I'd grown up with and hadn't seen since 7th grade. Such joys.

So I'm done gallivanting around for a wee bit. I intend to stay around and chat. I look forward to it. See ya -

Depression #2

I want to write several blog posts on the topic of depression. It is such a devastating thing and I’ve learned just how widespread it is among women; it’s huge. There is comfort available from our Lord; there are truths that will under-gird and strengthen us as we walk that path. I want to share how He personally helped me through those years of darkness, and let me say this: learning to walk in the dark strengthened my faith and my ability to undergo other difficulties and trials in life. He prepared me in a very real sense for even darker future trials, and because I’d learned so much, I was not toppled over or crushed, but met them with faith and trust and hope. And yes, with pain even still, but not pain that smeared me dead across the path of life.

While feelings of depression may result from organic malfunctioning that can be medically diagnosed and treated, a variety of other factors may contribute to this situation as well. In spite of any contributing factor, in spite of there being a medical cause, you must come before the Lord and ask HIM to what purpose He is trying you in this valley of depression. Because believe me, He has a purpose. And this is sovereignly brought about and allowed by Him for our spiritual shaping and molding and maturing. He’s growing us up; and I don’t know about you, but I pay much greater attention when times are tough.

So, there I was, in the middle of a depression, and for three years I struggled along knowing nothing about causes. I knew I had God’s word as my light and guide, and I knew that I was to discipline myself even here for the purpose of godliness. That meant I was to obey Scripture even here, as in all circumstances. God’s word isn’t just for the good days when you feel all pumped up and spiffy.

So this gave me a path - a way to point my feet - a direction to aim my face. When all is dark and you don’t know what to do, when feelings of being overwhelmed or inadequate flood you, this is when you fall back on the truths of God’s word. He speaks from His word what He desires for us. His word sheds light on our way. He illumines the path by this precious beacon of truth. Don’t neglect it.

And depression is not dealt with in isolation, its tentacles are far-reaching and its effects are broad across all relationships and areas of our life, but this is a God-given opportunity to biblically address it all.

I never asked “why” the Lord had me in this state. My question was “WHAT?” “WHAT ARE YOU SAYING TO ME?” “WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?” I was desperate to DO it and then move on. I wanted OUT. Its so interesting that my Lord kept me there, but I know on this day looking back to those days, that it had a very, very good purpose in my life. I know my Lord better. I love Him more. I trust Him more. And I have more stamina and strength for the trials of life as they come. I was humbled, and in that humbling I was softened.

You know, God could have easily revealed to me in my very first year of depression that it was caused by my hormones being all catawampous. He didn’t. He was able to; that news didn’t catch Him by surprise; He knew, but He had a much higher purpose and good work to do in me. This is good to remember and to comfort ourselves with, because we will find ourselves in the midst of various difficulties in life, and the truth that He knows right where we are is a comforting one. We are not lost and wandering, but walking a path pre-ordained for us to walk in.

Depression

A quagmire of quicksand for our feet…raging waters knocking us flat…darkness complete and smothering…loss of hope and peace. Soul-robbery…groaning night and day…joyless, hopeless…minds without anchor roving through dark wastes and barren places. Hands that fall limply into laps and sapped strength and a spirit of heaviness. No margin, no elasticity, no resilience, no bounce-back ability, no stretching - just crumbling, crashing, soul-crouching misery.

Depression.

I dwelt in that dark barren land for a long three years of my life. It marked me and changed me, but in the end taught me deep and precious truths about God and His ways with His children.

Each of us faces a sobering variety of painful, faith-trying, gut-wrenching circumstances that take us beyond our own human ability to cope. What do we do then? With what truths of Scripture do we comfort ourselves?

I learned to throw myself upon my Savior - the One who ordained and chose these trials for me, who shaped and molded them, and gently placed them in my midst.

This Savior is a God of love, He is good, and He is all knowing - so that ultimately we can rejoice in all things - because behind all of our trials and tribulations stands the Lord and His eternal kind-intentioned will and good purpose.

Boy - I went screaming to His door with all of my might. Over and over. And He met me and helped me. Not how I would have asked Him to, not by any means as quickly as I would have desired, and not by pulling me out of the dark trial by the scruff of the neck and placing me in the light again. No.

But He walked with me, beside me, and taught me to rely on the truth of His word even when I couldn’t see it or feel it. He did not take me out of the raging waters; He actually kept me under them to a higher purpose.

In the dark I clung tightly to His word, and one verse in particular was a comforting help to me.

“Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the voice of His servant?...that walks in darkness and has no light? Let him trust in the name of the Lord and rely on His God.” Isaiah 50:10

Several times throughout that chapter in Isaiah it declares, “It’s the Sovereign Lord who helps me.”

Let me tell you, all I could do sometimes was reach my hand up and hold tight to Him - clinging to Him with all my might.

Suffering in the land of depression surely strips away any self-confidence and everything else we might depend upon but Him. And this is HIS work! He gives us no promises for a life of ease; He never tells us we will have perfect health or even draw another breath. He does not always stay the awful things that can happen in this life.

But they are tools in His hands to shape and mold us and chip away at us until we are perfect in His sight. And the work that He began on our day of salvation He will complete; He will continue to ‘carpenter’ us. That was like THE good news to me. He had not thrown in the towel or given me over as too hard a nut to crack. This was His specific assigned portion for me - His beloved, precious, imperfect child.

Do not lose hope. Look up.

"Holiness" by J.C. Ryle

One of my desires with this blog is to encourage the reading of deep spiritual books. We can benefit so much from investing time and effort in many of the older authors, especially. They had a rich walk with God and a devotion to Him that sparks my own affections for God to grow. And boy do they know the Word. May these authors whet your appetite to grow and to fall more deeply in love with your Savior and may you be encouraged to live and walk in a more holy manner as a result.

First published in 1879, J.C. Ryle laments a lack of practical holiness in his day. He says this: "I have had a deep conviction for many years that practical holiness and entire self-consecration to God are not sufficiently attended to by modern Christians in this country. Politics, or controversy, or party spirit, or worldliness, have eaten out the heart of lively piety in too many of us. The subject of personal godliness has fallen sadly into the background. The standard of living has become painfully low in many quarters. The immense importance of 'adorning the doctrine of God our Savior' and making it lovely and beautiful by our daily habits and tempers has been far too much overlooked.... Sound doctrine is useless if it is not accompanied by a holy life. It is worse than useless: it does positive harm...it is my firm impression that we want a thorough revival about scriptural holiness."

He assures us that justification and regeneration are the works of God in our life, but where there is no sanctification, there is no regeneration, and "where there is no holy life there is no new birth. Sanctification is the only certain evidence of that indwelling of the Holy Spirit which is essential to salvation."

So, it matters how we live. How we live demonstrates who we are. You have to DO certain things to be a certain kind of person. Conversely, you have to BE a certain kind of person to do certain things. So as new creatures in Christ, as believers, there is a way of living, of holiness, that results because of WHO we are. He says, "I fear it is sometimes forgotten that God has married together justification and sanctification...one is never found without the other." And this book thoroughly addresses that topic in a deep and spiritually uplifting manner.

I feel utterly inadequate at this book review thing. How can I attempt in a small paragraph or two to indicate the rich and rewarding words of truth and encouragement that await you? I find myself unable to do this book justice without just flat quoting the whole thing. So here is a wee bit more....

He presses on all converted people the possibility of continual growth in grace, and the absolute necessity of going forward, increasing more and more, and every year dedicating and consecrating ourselves more, in spirit, soul and body, to Christ. He says that true holiness "does not consist merely of believing and feeling but of doing and bearing.... Our tongues, our tempers, our natural passions and inclinations; our conduct as parents and children, masters and servants, husbands and wives, rulers and subjects; our dress, our employment of time, our behavior in business, our demeanor in sickness and health..." all of these things are minutely treated in Scripture with regard to our holiness.

I wasn't up very many hours the other morning before I blew it with my mouth. Words came out that 'stinketh' to high heaven. I felt wounded and offended - and out flew words that revealed my fleshly heart. A little later I read my Bible, and God took a big yellow highlighter and underscored a verse for me. (Isn't that sweet?)

"Oh, that my ways were steadfast in obeying your decrees." (Ps.119:5) Steadfast. Sigh. Verse 6 says, "Then I would not be put to shame when I consider all your commands."

Lord, make me steadfast in obedience, holy in all my behavior, bearing fruit in every good work, increasing in the knowledge of God, steadfast in pursuing You. May it be said of me like verse 3, "They do nothing wrong; they walk in His ways."

It is because I am weak and falter and fail that I run, not only to God's holy Word, but to deep spiritual books, to feed and nurture my soul and draw me higher in my walk with Him. Praise God that the work He began in me He promises to continue and perfect. That gives me great comfort and hope. So, in the reading of this book 'Holiness', I hope to do due diligence in my pursuit of Him. Come join me.

A Helper Suitable

Genesis 2:18 says, “It is not good for man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him.” ‘Helper suitable’ is not just a man’s idea of how to get everything he wants out of a woman - this is the role God has given wives! You might say we are God’s special gift to our husbands.

If you are a wife, God has already determined your primary ministry and role in life - above the church, above the children, above your work, above your to-do list, above home schooling, above your leisure activities. And apart from our own personal relationship with Christ, ladies, nothing else should have greater priority in our lives.

Our husbands should be the primary benefactors of our time and energy - not just getting our leftovers at the end of the day. It has been a struggle for me not to develop a child-centered home in a way that neglects my marriage; instead, I want a marriage-centered home with my husband at its hub. God has created good works for me to do; the greatest work I have is in being a helper suitable in my ministry to my husband.

Thinking of my husband as my greatest ministry took a subtle shift in my thinking and perspective. Many marriage books focus on the woman and her needs; I was much more focused on what he needed to be for me than God’s order of things, which is that I am created for him.

Of course we know there is a lovely mutual benefit in marriage, and thankfully our husbands’ heavenly orders are to love us - but our focus and goal and desire is to be for our husbands, to be their helpers.

Society and culture battles against this idea on every front. And demands of life - our children, home schooling, job/career, and hobbies - all deplete our resources and energies so that our husbands are either out of the energy loop or at the bottom of the priority list. Maybe your schedule can’t change, maybe life’s demands can’t change - but I’ve found that a change in my thinking makes a difference.

The Amplified Bible expounds on Genesis 2:18, “See to it that the wife respect and reverence her husband…that she notice him, regard him, honor him, prefer him, venerate and esteem him, and that she defer to him, praise him, and love and admire him exceedingly.”

Proverbs 31 says that the heart of her husband trusts in her. His well-being is in her hands; she has the power to bless him and to be truly kind…and I have found that respecting, loving, and honoring him begins in my thought life.

A silly story illustrates this idea. Just a few years ago I got a phone call from my wonderful mother. As our conversation progressed, I detected anger and irritableness in her voice. Finally I asked her what was wrong. She told me about a dream she’d had the night before, that she’d caught me smoking and that I wouldn’t stop. She was so mad at me in the dream, and that frustration spilled out in the phone call with me. I thought this was hysterical - Mom, its just a dream!! We both chuckled about it.

But what I want to illustrate with this silly story, is that out of her negative thoughts spilled negative words and attitudes toward me. Ladies, we’ve already dangerously compromised the battle to respect and love and honor our husbands if we allow ourselves to indulge in negative or bitter thoughts - because it will spill out and it will affect how we treat them.

Controlling our minds and our thoughts is a very necessary part of loving and respecting our husbands, and though unseen, this inner battle has a great impact on our attitudes. It makes it almost impossible to honor and respect if inside we are roiling and boiling with negative, bitter thoughts of our man.

I do not want to be a wife that tears down her house with her own hands. And how do we do that as women? When we disrespect them with our words and attitudes - because disrespect robs our husbands of the inner-man strength to be what God wants them to be.

Do you tear down your husband with words? Batter him with your superior speech and witticisms? Do you empower your husband - or weaken and shame him? Do you put him down in front of other people, by words or tone of voice? Do you jest and joke at his expense, making him look the fool in front of others? Do you correct him in front of others?

Do you build him up, shore him up, help him stand tall, or do you pull the rug out from under him with your sharp sword-piercing words? What kind of a picture do you paint of your husband for your children and friends to see? Slightly foolish and bumbling? Not quite as all together as you? Out-to-lunch when it comes to the practicalities of life?

Love does not act unbecomingly. Do whatever you can to make your man look good to others. Always speak of him in a positive light; never slander him. Build him up. Make your conversation full of grace. Bless him. Be kind and tenderhearted to him. Remember, the hearts of our husbands trust in us. Be trustworthy. Be his cheerleader - not the annoying faucet that drips acidic words that erode away his confidence and character and manhood.

Remember your marriage vows? To love, honor, and obey? You can dishonor your vows not only with your body, but also with your mind and thoughts. Be a woman that keeps the spirit of her vows as well as the letter.

“See to it that you respect your husband.” (Eph.5:33). I wish this verse ended with, ‘that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life.’ It doesn’t. We are just commanded to respect! But we know that our well-being as women is found in obedience to the plan that God has set before us of how we are to live as helpers suitable to our husbands.

Sisterhood

I have always felt so blessed - so gifted by God - to have you four girls. Not just one or two, but four. Just how amazing is that! And you ladies are so lucky to have each other, too. I pray you realize that and even grow in further appreciation of each other over the years. May you find solace in one another, friendship that deepens and abides, understanding and compassion that binds you heart and soul.

Do not lightly hold this gift of God in one another. See clearly how special you are to each other. You will have other very special girlfriends, you may have husbands and families - but what you find in each other as sisters is an abiding for-the-long-haul and through-the-years blessing.

You have had many years in the home here together, even several of your college years. I regard that as a special bonus for my mother’s heart! We have enjoyable, wonderful, crazy family times, lots of laughter, deep talks. You girls have had extra years to live in close contact. Redeem this time; make use of it to love one another more dearly, to grow in your understanding and sensitivities to one another.

Your home is your first real training ground for making you Spirit-filled and fruit-filled and God-dependent. Be a good soldier and athlete in training. Stay the course. Buffet your body, do the hard work of getting into spiritual shape by exercising your muscles of longsuffering and fervent love that covers over the sins of others, of forgiveness, repentance, kindness and thoughtfulness. Bear one another's burdens. Here is a real opportunity to put the needs of another before your own in a very real and practical sense.

Do you see how all of this practice - all of this spiritual discipline applied to life in the home - deepens your character and makes you a lovely young woman of God? The spiritual growth and maturity you attain here, you take with you into life beyond your beginning years and on into eternity. Don’t waste and squander these years. Don’t settle down and squat in a state of ‘just-maintaining’ until you are able to leave and get out on your own. Redeem the time. Make use of the allotted time God has given you here.

If God is truly Sovereign over all, then He is also Sovereign over these years at home and has a plan even here for your spiritual growth and development, beyond the time we spend in the Bible as a family. Don’t throw over the tough lessons of home life relationships and family and sibling struggles because it is just too hard and you cannot wait to move on. While you are here - be all here. Be attentive to the work God is doing in your life, painful or frustrating or revealing and discouraging as it may be.

It is a whole lot easier to put on a façade of godliness outside the home with the public and friends ‘out there’, but our in-house relationships are most often used by God to expose us and lay us bare and uncover ugly sin tendencies. God uses these closer relationships in our lives to shape us up and scrub us clean. Take those challenging, irritating sibling moments that occasionally occur and use that opportunity to grow in grace and Christ-like love for one another. So listen. Heed. Hear. Obey. Do.

Don’t ignore the voice of the Holy Spirit and His urgings. Be quick to make things right. Learn to talk and do the hard, hard work of patching up and mending things in your sibling relationships. Don’t judge harshly and don’t assume you can read your sister’s heart and motives. It is tough to take the time to really listen and hear one another. We are certainly more affectionate with our own perspectives - but we must be aware that the perspective of others is just as valid and real to them. You have needs. Your sisters have needs. Learn to care about their needs, nurture them, and look for opportunities to fill their empty cup.

Living in close proximity with other human beings, we see not only their strengths, but also their foibles and weaknesses and tendencies towards sin. They see yours, too. Give grace to one another. Be tenderhearted. Here is an opportunity to gain insights into human nature - into your own and into the very hearts of others. God says that His people are known by their love. Redeem the opportunity to truly love right here in your own home, with those sometimes the most difficult to love, because we rub and scrape against each other in such daily close proximity. As iron sharpens iron, may you girls sharpen and buff one another to a lovely shine. May you step forth from your home-ground mature and exquisite gems that reflect God’s chiseling and shaping work on your life.

“…brought up in the truth of the faith and of the good teaching that you have followed…train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.” (I Tim.4:7-8)

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” (Col.3:12-14)