A Beautiful New Journal

In March of 2009 I began a beautiful new journal - a lime green whimsically floral one. This journal was a place for new beginnings, following on the heels as it did of various difficult trials in my life. Those trials at that time included: A severe long term family crisis, my hormonally induced depression, my oldest daughter's two years of crashed health, and my third daughter's week in the hospital.

I was ready to begin a new chapter. Here is what I wrote on the first page:

A beautiful new journal...a continued journey with my Lord through the hills and valleys and brambly paths of life. Brambles can be scritchy-scratchy-grabby, and they can cut you and make you bleed. They can catch and snag at your soul, ensnaring you in an off-the-beaten-path hazard.

But brambles can also smell rich with summer berries, be intertwined with lovely pale white morning glories, and full of bird-song. Comforting joy even in the snags.

I have walked with the Lord for 36 years now, and I have been on many various types of passageways and cobbled trails - and this I know:

God is faithful and good and Sovereign and in control and purposeful in all things. I have been tried in several life-furnaces, and though I may have come out the other side of them in various states of success spiritually - HE shines forth in glorious radiance, perfect holiness, in goodness and mercy.

I trust Him; I believe in Him. Even here in this new place and after this new traumatic testing. I am a work undone and unfinished; He is a faithful Refiner and Finisher, to build me up and not tear me down.

Purposeful trials and tribulations and deep waters.... Purposeful. Known. Planned. Orchestrated. Designed. Directed. Not to undo me or deconstruct me or de-edify me or tear me down, but to build me up. To establish me in the faith. To grow deep and broad and life-depending roots. To grow me into a steadfast woman who endures under and bears up under her trials. To eternally bless me in heaven.

So be it.

A Girl's Perfect Day

Blessed day with my girls....and two new blessings to add to my list.

(Okay three blessings, cause I love the humongous bouquet of roses with light blue and sagey green hydrangeas that my daugher arranged)

But first I scrubbed our back deck preparatory to staining it and gave two rhodies severe butch haircuts. Marauding blackberry vines stretched the rhododendron bushes out of proportion, hence the hacking back. I was very brave to tackle this, as this was the-very-area where I saw a snake a couple of weeks ago. I would have felt better in hip-waders; snakes are ungodly. (I think I need to share my snake poem with you. Future blog post.)

But then the siren song of Stratford Tea House called and off we girls went. Picture warm Italian villa colors with flowered tea pots. A perfect girly place. My tea cup was a luscious lime green with pink roses. I begged for that one - very grown up of me. Scones with jam and Devonshire cream, Hungarian mushroom soup, flowered pots of ginger-peach tea and Russian Caravan tea. We imbibed and indulged and giggled our way through the tasty treats. (Blessing number one)

Then the girls talked me into shopping at Old Navy. Why is shopping such a panacea for all that ails a girl? I once asked Chris if it was unchristianly to adore shopping. Thankfully he just chuckled and didn't give me any black and white answer. Don't YOU either. I bought a wild redish orangish top and a feminine lacy-edged peach cardigan. Who wouldn't feel better, I ask you. (Blessing number two)

I'm almost done reading "Holiness" by JC Ryle. There is a chapter near the very end called something like, "Understanding the Times." It has challenging and convicting words for us. Listen to this for starters:

"The man who is content to sit ignorantly by his own fireside, wrapped up in his own private affairs, and has no public eye for what is going on in the church and the world, is a miserable patriot, and a poor style of Christian. Next to our Bibles and our own hearts, our Lord would have us study our own times." (ouch)

The section that stood out to me was where he elucidated on the fact that the times require at our hands distinct and decided views of Christian doctrine. Listen to his eloquent and colorful language as he passionately speaks to this topic:

"...beware of this undecided state of mind in religion. It is a pestilence which walketh in darkness, and a destruction that killeth in noonday. It is a lazy, idle frame of soul which, doubtless, saves men the trouble of thought and investigation; but it is a frame of soul for which there is no warrant in the Bible...."

"For your own soul's sake dare to make up your mind what you believe, and dare to have positive distinct views of truth and error. Never, never be afraid to hold decided doctrinal opinions; and let no fear of man and no morbid dread of being thought party-spirited, narrow or controversial, make you rest contented with a bloodless, boneless, tasteless, colorless, lukewarm, undogmatic Christianity."

"Mark my words, if you want to do good in these times, you must throw aside indecision, and take up a distinct, sharply cut, doctrinal religion. If you believe little, those to whom you try to do good will believe nothing...."

"Christianity without distinct doctrine is a powerless thing. It may be beautiful to some minds, but it is childless and barren."

Oh, I love the solid truth of Scripture - the forever-settled-in-heaven truth that God has given us. And I love these old time authors who are passionate about truth and challenging to this generation where we are tempted to be wishy-washy and tolerant to all views, and can tend to be uncomfortable with dogmatism. Bible truths are worthy of a strong stance and firmly held beliefs.

Small Time Blessings

What gives you joy? What warms your heart and nourishes your soul? What causes cozy snuggle down feelings of comfortableness and peace?

Open your eyes and heart to the small soul pleasures, those things that lighten your heart and lift your soul up in gratefulness to the Lord. Sometimes we need to look for them purposefully.

I tell my writing students to develop eyes that really SEE, to be astute observers of beauty and life. Be a detective pursuing clues of God's goodness-es to us in this life. They are there.

Remember one of my theme verses for this blog? "...I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living."

If there is one thing I know, you and I are surely in the land of the living. And another thing I know - the Lord is GOOD. So believe and look.

What truly is loads of fun is making your own list of blessings. You saw a partial list of mine yesterday. A couple of you friends mentioned doing that for yourself - I say go for it.

Here are a few more pleasures I love: color, girl friends, coffee dates, deep spiritual books, journaling, hugs, romantic (clean) movies, chocolate, a sweet conversation with one of my girls... and the list goes on, forever really.

You will see how many dozens of things come to mind when you really think about what gives you joy. Have fun.

When you are feeling down, stressed, burdened at work, exhausted with responsibilities, this is a wonderful time to purposefully surround yourself with as many little joy givers as you can. This may sound like total immersion in self, but believe me, looking for blessings lifts our eyes up out of the doldrums, out of the slough of despond, and helps us see more clearly how truly blessed we are. There are many 'feelings' that can pull us down - well, take your feelings in hand and speak truth to them. The truth that your life is actually full, absolutely cup-overflowingly full of many richness-es and goodness-es.

Cultivate eyes that see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

Chutzpah

Hi. My name is Laura. I have been remiss in my blogging. I have been bad. Very bad indeed.

I lost my 'oomph' for a bit - my chutzpah. ( I looked that cool word up. No definition to be found, but I'm still sure I LOST it.) Cause my get-up-and-go got up and went, too. Probably hand in hand with my chutzpah, and they are gallivanting and cavorting on some beach in the south of France. Without me.

I have been on a downward slippery slope into feelings of depression (again) over the last six months, but now I am clawing my way back up and out. Mainly via increased doses of the hormonal miracle drug progesterone.

I will be okay. Soon I hope.

You know what I've been doing besides regular wife-mother-house type thingies? I've been increasing my joy factor. I've been seriously dogging after collecting delights for my soul. Here is a short list of my personal favorites:

Driving in the car with the windows down letting the wind tussle with my hair, my arm straight out the window, country music blaring. This works best when driving alone.

Watching my little golden finches and red headed house finches gorge themselves on my bird feeder right out my living room window.

Squirting an extra blast of perfume on my neck.

Manicures and pedicures and toe rings.

Sitting in the sun absorbing its healing happy rays.

Reading a really good book.

Watercolor painting in my little travel journal where I chronicle almost every day of my summer. The sketching and painting have been a newly discovered pleasure for me.

Teaching dear friends to quilt. And learning lovely new layouts from them.

Laughter. Especially with family and good friends.

A slow road trip down the coast with my husband - enjoying Italian sodas, Mexican mochas, and hitting every cute little shop along the way. And every bathroom.

Walking through the fields in the early morning light, the hillsides warm in the golden glow of a day just beginning. Listening to the birds.

A buttery bowl of popcorn. (See how WAY down on the list that was??! Impressive!)

Lighting scented candles around the house.

There are so many little blessings from the Lord that increase our joy. I am grateful for every miniature delight that comes my way. So, thanks for listening. I'll be back soon....


PS Google says that Chutzpah means something like 'gutsy audacity.' That's not quite what I wanted it to mean. I wanted it to mean something like 'spit and vinegar,' because that's what I'm missing. But maybe I'm missing my gutsy audacity, too. ;O] I think I'm missing several things....

Ashamed to be a Woman

Today I was ashamed to be a woman. What is the matter with our sex?

I watched a woman shopping through Winco grocery store, berating her husband who was seated in a motorized wheelchair. "Why didn't you follow me?" "Get out of my way." "Move over." "Hurry up." "Come ON." He couldn't do anything right - and she lambasted him with full venom.

I wish I could post a picture of her pinched and angry face. I wish I could remember all of her words. I wish I'd been brave enough to confront her....

She disrespected her husband. She talked down to him. She belittled him. She acted exasperated, impatient, short, and clipped. She was a monster on a mission, and that mission did not include kindness and gentleness to the man she had chosen as her life-time partner and husband. The man she'd chosen to love, honor, and respect. Not.

As believers in Christ, there is no excuse for this kind of behavior. This is walking in the flesh personified. It is ugly. And we all do it - at one time or another, in one way or another. (If the shoe doesn't fit, feel no obligation to wear it; but I know for myself that there are times I can be just as ugly in my behavior.)

God has uniquely gifted men and women to fulfill their God-given roles in life. What is it with us women that we feel that our perspective, our 'way-of-seeing' is the only right way? The obviously for-sure only right perspective? We do not tend to value the male outlook. The male-ish angle on things. We should.

But, who made men, anyway? Who is it that fit them out and equipped them uniquely for their role as head of the family and leaders of churches and businesses? God did. And I just sorta think He probably knew what He was about. Or, are men just one big blooper by God Most HIgh and Glorious? I don't think so.

We have a different view of things - a feminine view of things. It is different - but not inherently 'right.' Remember that and give grace. Be kind. Be patient. And remember that walking in holiness and right-living includes how we treat our men.

And remember, too, that somebody could be watching and writing a blog post in their head as they follow you down the aisle. ;O] Beware....

That's all. I just had to get that off my chest. I feel better now.

Where Is Your Faith, Part 2

God tested us through various trials by fire a few years ago, and one heavy-duty trial was our oldest daughter's health which crashed suddenly and severely during her study abroad program in Australia. She'd reacted strongly to mango just prior to leaving, and the ER doctor put her on one week of prednisone to control the allergic reaction. The prednisone crashed her health in a severe way that continued to escalate over the following weeks until suddenly she was allergic to most foods. Her first week in Australia she went to the emergency room two times with breathing difficulties and a swollen throat. In a nut shell, we were worried sick about her. And thankfully, we did not realise that this would be a 2-year-long agonizing road of multiple health issues.

One night in particular I remember laying awake fighting tooth and nail with worries and fears for her safety - and even for her very life. I prayed non-stop in the dark and on my bed and talked my way through the book of John reminding myself of WHO my Jesus is. He is my light. He is my bread. He is my gate and door and way. He is my very life. Until finally I was able to surrender to sleep.

I am so grateful that my God is every-where-present, and even though I could not be right there with her - as my mommy's heart was clamoring to be - I knew that I could trust Him to carry her and be her pillar of strength and support. Like He was my staunch support.

John 9:3, in talking about the man born blind, says, "...this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life." God put Himself on display through this trial by fire in our lives, and through our active choice to trust and rely on Him in it.

That next morning while journaling in my devotions, God gave me the following thoughts on faith to encourage me and remind me of how He works in our lives to develop and grow-up our faith. In Psalm 119 the psalmist says that it is good for me to be afflicted, that I may learn His statutes. God uses various situations and trials, whatever their shape or form, and they are designed to make me, not break me or destroy me. It has been permitted by God to mold me into the image of His Son, not to disfigure me for life. He does it for the sake of proving my faith....

This concept of 'proving' my faith made me think of a bridge. A bridge is designed and built to certain specs, and stress tests are conducted on the structure. But the bridge span doesn't then just sit there, being strong and fully equipped, but in-active; it is actually pressed into service. It is used. It is proven - by cars and trucks in massive amounts driving across its structure, depending on its span to hold sturdy and strong and to support the vehicles from one point to the next. The bridge is made useful. It is not just ornamental or a bridge-in-theory; it is a bridge in practice and in truth. It is there when needed, not buckling under pressure or failing to be what it was created to be.

Our faith, like a bridge, is pressed into service, to be useful in life, not just a 'theory' or idea untested, untried. Our faith is proven when it holds up under use and pressure and under the ferocious daily 'commute' of life and its fiery trials! Faith is not just a lovely pearl in our necklace of Christian spiritual gifts, worn on special occasions, but it is hardy, and made to get down in the trenches of life with us and support us in our endeavor to walk the walk and live the life that God has set before us.

God gives us faith - and then He grows it up. He matures it; He tests it.

He directs life to give us pop-quizzes: How ya gonna do here? And here? He wants us to be proficient in our use of this tool of faith; to be quicker to bring it to bear on the problems at hand. Quicker to lift our eyes in faith to Jesus no matter the swirling and storming waters of life. We know the One who is in control of all things. So, Where is Your Faith?

Morning Walks

My early morning walks take me through the blueberry fields surrounding our house in the country. The early morning crisp dew-wet grass and the tangy fresh smell of green things is so delightful and fragrant to my soul. Rounded, soft hills surround me, and red barns, distant secluded houses nestled in trees, and crops with their various colors of soft green and pale yellow create a patchwork of such lovely design.

Birds sing and flit about and watch me warily as I walk along past their nesting places. Killdeer, robins, cowbirds, yellow finches, red-tail hawks, starlings and sparrows all dance and hop around in the joy of fresh morning. Birds always fill my heart with singing.

I filled the bird feeders yesterday for the first time this spring. The incessant rain clouded over my realization that we are well into spring and even beginning early summer; you sure couldn't tell by the weather. Red house finches and yellow finches discovered the feeders by late morning. I'm always amazed by how quickly the news travels to the other birds. They must have quite a chatty system going.

This summer we have about 7 hanging baskets of flowers in the front and back yards. Ruby throated humming birds are prolific this year - yea.

Well, I really have nothing profound to say in this post except that I was so filled up with joy in the Lord as I beheld His beautiful creation this morning. I think part of the joy was seeing the sun for the first time in weeks. I generally do not mind the rain, but enough is enough already, and it is amazing what a little sunshine will do to lift one's heart aloft in happiness.

Confessions of a Foodie Family

We take our food seriously in this family - we are dedicated, passionate foodies (and drinkies).

Our lives spin and gyrate around food. Good food - snacky food - gourmet food - chocolate food - we really aren’t that picky. But we are religiously firm believers in the mantra: God-gave-us-all-things-to-enjoy. That’s a command, isn’t it? So we are busy about the enjoying of ‘all things’, which means we are diabolically good at coming up with reasons to celebrate something…anything.

We are really not all that picky about the pretext we come up with to justify our ritual imbibing. Birthdays help a lot; weeklong or month-long birthday revelries are respectable. Graduations are good. So are anniversaries. But then we are left to our own strategic devices; believe me, we can get imaginative. It’s the first Friday of the month; the last Friday of the month; the beginning of a new month; a favorite month. Get the idea?

Planning a car trip only partially entails motel reservations and planning the route on our map. Mainly it involves the gleeful discussion of what special snacks and drinks we’ll take along. Admit it, as soon as those wheels start rolling, you want a bright yellow peanut M&M, too, right along with your chai tea latte. Right? Now do you know why we like road trips?

Our holidays start and end with meal planning, dessert making, food consuming. Our advent celebrations are undergirded with special treats of cinnamon dolce twisted pastry sticks or Belgium chocolate or homemade coconut joys or garlic flavored Boursin cheese on crackers.

Hubby will ask - “Are you ready to start celebrating advent season?” He isn’t asking if I have researched special Bible passages or whether I have all the candles I need or whether I have the advent wreath unpacked and arranged - no - he’s asking if I have the FOOD we need to celebrate. Advent hardly goes forward without these things. Seriously.

We play games as a family and watch movies all together while propped on our bellies lies a luscious bowl of oiled and salted popcorn. Or we pass around a couple of deluxe chocolate bars. You gotta try the new coconut white chocolate bar or the blueberry chocolate bar. We’ve done research. Num.

I can hardly even read a book without eating. And I read a lot of books. I’ve always thought that if I gave up reading, I’d be skinny as a thin line notebook. But I love reading - I could read my life away - and that becomes much more plausible and excusable if not only am I engrossed in a catering mystery or a who-done-it book, but I am also eating breakfast. Or lunch. Or my afternoon pick-me-up snack. I read to eat. Or, do I eat to read? - One of life’s large and looming dilemmas.

It begins to look like we foodies may even play games and watch movies to eat. Even celebrate advent to eat. Go on road trips to eat.

One of life’s real joys is stumbling across a fellow foodie. Is that you?

Turning 50

I'm back! The last weeks have been filled with fun and meaningful events to celebrate. I've missed the time to write and hope to blog my little heart out in the coming weeks.

I turned 50 - and boy did we celebrate! I have to say that becoming 50 turned out to be a blast beyond belief!! From a surprise breakfast out with a special girlfriend, to a hot-pink manicure, to a surprise lunch with my parents, to shopping at the mall with mall bucks, to a huge surprise party with many girlfriends at a sweet cafe. Our table overlooked a pond surrounded by weeping willows - absolutely gorgeous. Sigh. I have never felt so loved and cared for and so spoiled. Their gifts were way over-the-top abundant with many red dishes and bowls and pitchers and such for my kitchen. They all know how much I love color!!

The evening was wrapped up at my home with my special family. The girls decorated the table with my new birthday dishes, pink balloons, and pink, peach, and yellow tulips. They made homemade cauliflower soup, homemade garlic-rosemary bread, salad, and to top it off, a world-class Russian creme with raspberries. Num. Food centers large in any family event in our home! Did you notice I ate my way through the whole day? ;O] And I opened my traditional family gifts - perfume and candles. Ahhhh. Supplies replenished.

Then my oldest daughter graduated from nursing school. Wow! What fun celebrations!! There was the award breakfast, the pinning ceremony, and finally the graduation itself. She was the one down front with the huge grin on her face! We were the crowd at the very back hooting and hollering and waving with all arms and blowing kisses. All graduation weekend I felt overwhelmed with gratefulness to the Lord for His faithful mercy and grace as He carried her through four years of the most trying and painful trials of her life. Most of that time she struggled with seriously debilitating health issues that made us wonder if she'd even be able to make it. God is so good - and He sure has been good to her. Because of Him she is now a graduated nursing student! We know exactly Who to thank! Next comes her nursing board exam - one week away.

To continue the graduation theme, we celebrated with an open house this weekend. The Lord gave sunshine and blooming flowers. It was a fun time with very special family and friends. Thank you all!

Oh, and one weekend in the midst of all this hoopla, several of us in the family headed to the coast where my daughter shot a wedding. Since I grew up in this town and still have family and friends there, I piggybacked along. I had a blast with a wonderfully special girlfriend - we've been friends since the 8th grade. (You do the math.) Our birthdays are only one day apart and we found out early in our friendship that we had been born in the same hospital as consecutive babies. Then didn't meet for 13 years. AND, I actually reconnected with another friend I'd grown up with and hadn't seen since 7th grade. Such joys.

So I'm done gallivanting around for a wee bit. I intend to stay around and chat. I look forward to it. See ya -