Ashamed to be a Woman

Today I was ashamed to be a woman. What is the matter with our sex?

I watched a woman shopping through Winco grocery store, berating her husband who was seated in a motorized wheelchair. "Why didn't you follow me?" "Get out of my way." "Move over." "Hurry up." "Come ON." He couldn't do anything right - and she lambasted him with full venom.

I wish I could post a picture of her pinched and angry face. I wish I could remember all of her words. I wish I'd been brave enough to confront her....

She disrespected her husband. She talked down to him. She belittled him. She acted exasperated, impatient, short, and clipped. She was a monster on a mission, and that mission did not include kindness and gentleness to the man she had chosen as her life-time partner and husband. The man she'd chosen to love, honor, and respect. Not.

As believers in Christ, there is no excuse for this kind of behavior. This is walking in the flesh personified. It is ugly. And we all do it - at one time or another, in one way or another. (If the shoe doesn't fit, feel no obligation to wear it; but I know for myself that there are times I can be just as ugly in my behavior.)

God has uniquely gifted men and women to fulfill their God-given roles in life. What is it with us women that we feel that our perspective, our 'way-of-seeing' is the only right way? The obviously for-sure only right perspective? We do not tend to value the male outlook. The male-ish angle on things. We should.

But, who made men, anyway? Who is it that fit them out and equipped them uniquely for their role as head of the family and leaders of churches and businesses? God did. And I just sorta think He probably knew what He was about. Or, are men just one big blooper by God Most HIgh and Glorious? I don't think so.

We have a different view of things - a feminine view of things. It is different - but not inherently 'right.' Remember that and give grace. Be kind. Be patient. And remember that walking in holiness and right-living includes how we treat our men.

And remember, too, that somebody could be watching and writing a blog post in their head as they follow you down the aisle. ;O] Beware....

That's all. I just had to get that off my chest. I feel better now.

A Helper Suitable

Genesis 2:18 says, “It is not good for man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him.” ‘Helper suitable’ is not just a man’s idea of how to get everything he wants out of a woman - this is the role God has given wives! You might say we are God’s special gift to our husbands.

If you are a wife, God has already determined your primary ministry and role in life - above the church, above the children, above your work, above your to-do list, above home schooling, above your leisure activities. And apart from our own personal relationship with Christ, ladies, nothing else should have greater priority in our lives.

Our husbands should be the primary benefactors of our time and energy - not just getting our leftovers at the end of the day. It has been a struggle for me not to develop a child-centered home in a way that neglects my marriage; instead, I want a marriage-centered home with my husband at its hub. God has created good works for me to do; the greatest work I have is in being a helper suitable in my ministry to my husband.

Thinking of my husband as my greatest ministry took a subtle shift in my thinking and perspective. Many marriage books focus on the woman and her needs; I was much more focused on what he needed to be for me than God’s order of things, which is that I am created for him.

Of course we know there is a lovely mutual benefit in marriage, and thankfully our husbands’ heavenly orders are to love us - but our focus and goal and desire is to be for our husbands, to be their helpers.

Society and culture battles against this idea on every front. And demands of life - our children, home schooling, job/career, and hobbies - all deplete our resources and energies so that our husbands are either out of the energy loop or at the bottom of the priority list. Maybe your schedule can’t change, maybe life’s demands can’t change - but I’ve found that a change in my thinking makes a difference.

The Amplified Bible expounds on Genesis 2:18, “See to it that the wife respect and reverence her husband…that she notice him, regard him, honor him, prefer him, venerate and esteem him, and that she defer to him, praise him, and love and admire him exceedingly.”

Proverbs 31 says that the heart of her husband trusts in her. His well-being is in her hands; she has the power to bless him and to be truly kind…and I have found that respecting, loving, and honoring him begins in my thought life.

A silly story illustrates this idea. Just a few years ago I got a phone call from my wonderful mother. As our conversation progressed, I detected anger and irritableness in her voice. Finally I asked her what was wrong. She told me about a dream she’d had the night before, that she’d caught me smoking and that I wouldn’t stop. She was so mad at me in the dream, and that frustration spilled out in the phone call with me. I thought this was hysterical - Mom, its just a dream!! We both chuckled about it.

But what I want to illustrate with this silly story, is that out of her negative thoughts spilled negative words and attitudes toward me. Ladies, we’ve already dangerously compromised the battle to respect and love and honor our husbands if we allow ourselves to indulge in negative or bitter thoughts - because it will spill out and it will affect how we treat them.

Controlling our minds and our thoughts is a very necessary part of loving and respecting our husbands, and though unseen, this inner battle has a great impact on our attitudes. It makes it almost impossible to honor and respect if inside we are roiling and boiling with negative, bitter thoughts of our man.

I do not want to be a wife that tears down her house with her own hands. And how do we do that as women? When we disrespect them with our words and attitudes - because disrespect robs our husbands of the inner-man strength to be what God wants them to be.

Do you tear down your husband with words? Batter him with your superior speech and witticisms? Do you empower your husband - or weaken and shame him? Do you put him down in front of other people, by words or tone of voice? Do you jest and joke at his expense, making him look the fool in front of others? Do you correct him in front of others?

Do you build him up, shore him up, help him stand tall, or do you pull the rug out from under him with your sharp sword-piercing words? What kind of a picture do you paint of your husband for your children and friends to see? Slightly foolish and bumbling? Not quite as all together as you? Out-to-lunch when it comes to the practicalities of life?

Love does not act unbecomingly. Do whatever you can to make your man look good to others. Always speak of him in a positive light; never slander him. Build him up. Make your conversation full of grace. Bless him. Be kind and tenderhearted to him. Remember, the hearts of our husbands trust in us. Be trustworthy. Be his cheerleader - not the annoying faucet that drips acidic words that erode away his confidence and character and manhood.

Remember your marriage vows? To love, honor, and obey? You can dishonor your vows not only with your body, but also with your mind and thoughts. Be a woman that keeps the spirit of her vows as well as the letter.

“See to it that you respect your husband.” (Eph.5:33). I wish this verse ended with, ‘that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life.’ It doesn’t. We are just commanded to respect! But we know that our well-being as women is found in obedience to the plan that God has set before us of how we are to live as helpers suitable to our husbands.