Saturday, October 2, 2010

Here I Go Again, Part 1

I've shared in previous posts about my past struggles with depression due to an hormonal imbalance. Well, the scales tipped again this summer, and I found myself back in the shadow lands. Not my favorite place to be.

This time around I already intimately knew the monster of depression, and I didn't want to walk with him again. It was disheartening and discouraging to find myself on a path I had already walked - a path I had already conquered.

I liken it to someone being diagnosed with cancer. They do the chemo, radiation, surgery thing, and then find themselves in years of good health. But then BAM. The cancer is back. I wonder, is it harder, then, to cope with, the second time around? This known monster? Does it feel like been-there done-that and I don't wanna do it again? Is it rather more disheartening to find yourself in the same place that not long ago you walked in courage and victory with special strength from the Lord?

Well, this idea got me to thinking.... The reality of life is this: we face the same trials and tribulations, sometimes over and over and over again. The Israelites faced lack of water and food over and over again; their enemies threatened their very lives dozens of times. And this is not purposeless fate or life bumblings. This is a purposeful path for our spiritual growth and good.

We are not now exempt from a particular trial because we've experienced it before. It would be nice to have a list, and just keep crossing things off. Okay, I've done depression. Check. I've done the lonely thing. Check. I've conquered impatience. Check. My needs have gone unmet. Check. I've embarrassed myself in public. Check. I've dealt with an impossible boss. Check.

On one hand, it can be disheartening to be in a trial again enduring under something you have already suffered. But on the other hand, God has supplied much in the way of tools for you to use this time around, you've learned to apply His word to this trial and temptation. You have prior knowledge and experience and it is meant to under gird you and and girdle-you-up to face it in strength. Not only do you have prior knowledge of this trial - but you have prior knowledge of God's sweet help.

We are not exempt from a particular trial because we have experienced it before. It can be disheartening to be in the same place again, but what do we do? The same - very same - thing as the first time around. We throw ourselves on our Savior. We look to Him as the hope and help of our countenance, as our soul's "uplifter." We read His word faithfully, diligently and regular. And we do not lose heart for the race we are involved in. We are in a race - it is not a fairytale cruise. Hard to remember.

So, you might feel like you got a decent passing grade on the first time this test came around - and why do I have to take it again, but remember that God's ways are not our ways. His ways are higher, deeper, richer. Beyond our ken. We don't have to "get it." We don't have to agree or understand - we just must continue to walk in truth and faithfulness no matter the difficulty of the road. We must be faithful to our task. To the end. That's all.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Very good, Mom, & very true. Thank you!

AnnaChristie

tAmmy said...

I love the analogy about checking off our tests! In our earthly wisdom that makes so much sense. We've done our time; why should we have to persevere again. But it brings to mind homeschooling the children. I remember teaching them grammar in the early years. Good, did that. Amazingly, they remembered very little the next year. I had to teach and reteach grammar over and over again until it was second nature. The Lord must realize that lesson more than any of us. We need to continue to put all lessons into practice continuously until we breathe them like air. Oh to trust His goodness during these times of trials.

Thanks for the great reminder!